Akis Dimou, The recognition
Seven years I spent in the shadow of a woman unknown to me, whose name means star yet she made my gloom even darker. I fought her clothes with my clothes, her body with my body, her joy with my desolation, the river of her life with the fire of my innermost desire: to see you leaving her behind and coming before me, holding our first August in your hands.
(Pause.)
Seven years… Seven. From Thursday to Thursday.
(Pause.)
I held on to your body so tight that I was stunned. It started as an exercise. One question I asked myself persistently: how tight can you stand to be deceived? I answered successfully: I hugged you for seven years. Until I was stunned. A great success! Grand succès!
(Pause.)
I yearned for a walk. An exit from our conspiratorial body. A stroll when the shops close and people emigrate to a chat scented with banalities, a serenity steeped in music, white wine and roses. (Brief pause.) I yearned for a walk with you and then a return. Leaning on your arm. Holding tight on to your arm like the sand holds the anchors and makes it rusty. I yearned to go rusty on your arm. Before everyone, before their eyes. You insisted: secretly. Not to be caught like prey in the others’ words. Not to be persecuted by their gossiping. For me, mostly; to protect me from the herd of insults.
(Pause.)
Liar! You knew I was ready for everything. That’s why I nurtured my resilience: for the stoning.
(Pause.)
You should have spoken out from the outset. I would have understood. I fear, you could have said, our love becoming a firework and momentarily illuminate the empty flesh of my marital bliss. I fear that I may go and you’ll be spent – you could have said.
(Pause.)
Seven years. In the eighth year you decided to choose. And you chose. Between two pairs of eyes you chose the one that blinded you less, the one you could look into without crumbling with fever.
(Long pause.)
One shiver less. No sensation.
(Pause.)
I told you: you can’t take it.
You answered wrong: “I love you”, you said.
(Pause.)
And what does it mean, “I love you”? What does it mean other than “Stand still so that I can cut you to pieces”?
(Long pause.)
Actor: Giota Festa
Pianist: Dimitris Maramis
Visual art intervention: Aliki Panagiotopoulou